High Society Etiquette

General Principles

1. Deportment:

   • Always maintain an upright posture and a composed demeanor.
   • Speaking softly and with refinement was considered a mark of good breeding.

2. Respect for Rank and Status:

   • Address others formally unless explicitly invited to use first names.
   • Defer to those of higher rank or status in conversation and precedence.

Social Gatherings

1. Invitations:

   • Respond promptly to invitations (RSVP) and never cancel without a valid reason.
   • Arrive slightly late (15 minutes) to a dinner party but be punctual for balls or theater outings.

2. Introductions:

   • Wait to be formally introduced before speaking to someone new.
   • Gentlemen should always wait to be introduced to a lady.

3. Conversation:

   • Avoid discussing politics, religion, or personal finances.
   • Focus on light, pleasant topics like the weather, literature, or travel.

4. Dining:

   • Follow the host’s lead when using utensils or beginning a meal.
   • Gentlemen should assist the lady seated next to them, including offering to pour her water or wine.

For Women

1. Dress:

   • Always dress modestly and appropriately for the occasion.
   • Daytime calls required simple dresses, while evening events called for elaborate gowns.

2. Behavior:

   • Avoid loud laughter, boisterous behavior, or drawing undue attention.
   • Women should avoid walking alone in public without a male escort or chaperone.

3. Courtship:

   • Show interest without appearing forward.
   • Accept small tokens of affection but avoid public displays of affection.

For Men

1. Chivalry:

   • Always rise when a lady enters the room and offer your arm when walking together.
   • Open doors, carry parcels, and provide assistance as needed.

2. Dress:

   • Wear formal attire suitable for the event (e.g., frock coat by day, tailcoat by evening).
   • Keep gloves on during handshakes unless dining.

3. Courtship:

   • Seek permission from a young lady’s father or guardian before courting her.
   • Show restraint and respect; any impropriety could harm a woman’s reputation.

Visiting Etiquette

1. Calling Cards:

   • Leave your calling card with the servant upon arrival. This announced your visit and allowed the host to decide whether to receive you.
   • Cards were left after a social visit or to express thanks.

2. Visits:

   • Afternoon visits should be brief (15–30 minutes) unless explicitly invited to stay longer.
   • Never overstay your welcome.

Public Conduct

1. Theater and Opera:

   • Dress in evening wear, arrive on time, and refrain from talking during performances.
   • Applaud politely but avoid overly enthusiastic displays.

2. Walking in Public:

   • A gentleman should walk on the side nearest the street to protect his companion from splashes or mud.

Floriography Etiquette

The language of flowers, can be viewed in the forms of gifts, decoration on clothing and displays. Typically a expression understood by High society women.

Receiving flowers with ones right hand is considered a affirmative to the gift, when taken with the left hand the gift is viewed negatively.

Giving wilted flowers would be considered a corresponding insult meaning the opposite as would presently flowers upside down. For example presenting a lady with a bouquet of wilted Daises would be a subtle way of questioning a ladies virtue.

Romantic Expressions:

1. Red Rose: Love and passion.
2. Pink Rose: Grace and gratitude.
3. White Rose: Purity, innocence, or a new beginning.
4. Yellow Rose: Jealousy or infidelity (later evolved to mean friendship).
5. Forget-Me-Not: True love and remembrance.
6. Daisy: Innocence, loyalty, and pure love.
7. Tulip: Declaration of love; different colors held varying nuances.
   • Red Tulip: Perfect love.
   • Yellow Tulip: Hopeless love.

Friendship and Gratitude:

1. Bluebell: Humility and constancy.
2. Ivy: Friendship, fidelity, and marriage.
3. Pink Carnation: Gratitude and admiration.
4. Chrysanthemum: Friendship (yellow); sorrow (white).

Warning or Negative Messages:

1. Yellow Carnation: Rejection or disdain.
2. Basil: Hatred
3. Marigold: Grief or despair.
4. Snapdragon: Deception or graciousness.

Encouragement or Positive Traits:

1. Sunflower: Adoration and loyalty.
2. Lavender: Devotion and calmness.
3. Violet: Modesty and faithfulness.
4. Thyme: Courage and strength.

Sympathy and Farewell:

1. White Lily: Purity and virtue, often used at funerals.
2. Poppy: Eternal sleep or consolation in grief.
3. Cyclamen: Resignation and goodbye.

Mysterious or Unique Messages:

1. Anemone: Forsaken love or anticipation.
2. Black-Eyed Susan: Justice or encouragement.
3. Honeysuckle: Devotion and bonds of love.
4. Zinnia: Lasting affection and remembrance.

Fan Ettiquette

The fan language was often taught to young women by mothers, governesses, or etiquette books. Its use required a delicate balance of skill, subtlety, and timing. Currently the hight of fasion.

Expressions of Emotion

• Carrying the fan in the left hand: "I wish to make your acquaintance."
• Carrying the fan in the right hand: "I am willing to be courted."
• Fanning slowly: "I am not interested in you."
• Fanning quickly: "I am very interested in you."
• Resting the fan on the right cheek: "Yes."
• Resting the fan on the left cheek: "No."
• Twirling the fan in the right hand: "I love another."
• Twirling the fan in the left hand: "We are being watched."

Requests or Commands

• Dropping the fan: "We will be friends."
• Drawing the fan across the eyes: "I am sorry."
• Letting the fan rest open on the heart: "You have won my love."
• Drawing the fan through the hand: "I hate you."
• Shutting the fan suddenly: "I am jealous."

Romantic Signals

• Opening the fan wide: "Wait for me."
• Hiding the eyes behind the fan: "I love you."
• Drawing the fan across the lips: "Kiss me."
• Touching the tip of the fan to the palm: "I desire you."

Flirting and Playfulness

• Tapping the fan on the palm: "I am upset with you."
• Tapping the fan on the lips: "Do you love me?"
• Opening and closing the fan rapidly: "You are cruel."
• Carrying the fan closed: "I do not wish to speak with you."

Lower Class Manners

General Principles

1. Politeness and Respect:

   • Always address others politely, especially those in positions of authority or elder members of the community.
   • Use "sir," "ma'am," or "miss" when speaking to employers, customers, or strangers.

2. Cleanliness and Appearance:

   • Making an effort to appear tidy and clean was crucial for respectability.
   • Wearing patched but clean clothing signified self-respect.

Home and Family Etiquette

1. Shared Living Spaces:

   • Many families live in cramped conditions, so respect for shared spaces was essential.
   • Quiet during sleeping hours and helping with household chores were expected.

2. Hospitality:

   • Offering a visitor tea or a small meal, no matter how modest, was a sign of good manners.
   • Neighbours often help each other in times of need.

Workplace Etiquette

1. Respect for Employers:

   • Show deference to employers and supervisors. Avoid speaking unless spoken to or instructed.
   • Punctuality was crucial, as tardiness could lead to dismissal.

2. Interaction with Coworkers:

   • Cooperate with others and avoid gossip or conflict to maintain a good reputation.
   • In trades or factories, sharing tools or helping a struggling coworker was seen as neighbourly.

Social Gatherings

1. Pubs and Taverns:

   • Buying a round of drinks was a way to show generosity and maintain camaraderie.
   • Excessive drunkenness, while common, was frowned upon if it led to public disturbances.

2. Community Events:

   • Funerals were important social occasions. Attendance was often expected, even if one could contribute only a small gift or token.

Etiquette in Poverty

1. Helping Each Other:

   • Communities often rallied together to support struggling members, such as sharing food or helping with childcare.
   • However, begging or charity acceptance came with a social stigma unless truly unavoidable.

2. Public Behaviour:

   • Even in dire poverty, maintaining dignity was valued. Public displays of desperation, such as begging or fighting, could harm one's reputation.